END

First time ever in my life I have declared “single” in a social network. Just to remind myself to face the cruel truth.

 

It’s been always so nice and easy to enter a world of two. zillions times more difficult to step out of it.

 

 

My birthday was great. My daily journal that I promised myself to keep for him in order to keep track on what I have been up to is ended.

I was such a fool. I thought during the tough time, he might need to know what I have been doing, who I have been hanging out with, how I have been feeling/thinking. Through a blog would probably be a good way for him to observe without a single contact. I was such a fool.

It’s time to wake up, what you believed will not always be what it is.

 

My birthday was great, it was too heart touching. Promised I am gonna be fine enough tomorrow to do a happy post about the 26th birthday. It was too memorable, I promised myself to have a cheerful record here in my dearie bloggie.

 

God, if you can hear me, let this pain pass soon.

 

 

p.s,

我一直都还在原地，转身离开的，是你。

Day 03

03.02.10

累了。把心关了，休业一天。

 

 

 

p.s,

可不可以一直任性下去？

Day 02

02.02.10

It’d arrive at my doorstep somuch earlier than expected.

Party dress, checked.

Guests invitation, checked.

Reservation, procrastinating wtf.

 

Four more days counting down to my 26th birthday celebration.

 

 

p.s,

一天也好，想要拥有你为她打造的避风港。

Day 01

01.02.10

My first birthday cake of this year courtesy by New Way Times Square. A shared birthday cake for me . Karen . and Yennie – the three February babies. Happy birthday to us ♥

I made my first birthday wish of the year. Only one wish, one very . stupid . wish .

 

 

p.s,

意外和意外和意外之后，真的很想念你在身边时的安全感。

Life

My life still goes on.

Got my arse out of my bed and pillows. Dress up, meet friends, drink, have some comfort food.

 

Been to Bangsar Telawi for a weekday casual girls’ outing. Had banana leaf, then moved to La Bodega Lounge (gosh how many years I have never been there and their cocktails still kick ass).

We had Strawberry Frozen Margarita, first time in life I thought a cocktail is too sweet. We listened some Jazz, and I thought I am always prefer bosa nova.

 

Been to Skybar, Traders Hotel. Found this fake-candle-but-look-so-real but still so romantic.

 

 

Been to Oh Sushi, Mid Valley. Had some jap food and thought that I would prefer Zanmai and even better Hajime.

 

 

The book that I am currently reading (which is terrifying and sarcastic sometimes I felt like given big bitch slap). It doesn’t really help, when the bitch is noone else but you yourself.

 

 

My life still goes on.

It leads to no where, yet.

害怕

当爱 放不下的时候

怎样也放不下来

一直一直走下去 是不是真的就可以遗忘

一天一天过去 记忆是不是就会因满载而被取代

 

这么久了 为什么那温柔还依然温暖

那模样还那么清晰

是我遗忘得不够努力

还是越想遗忘 就越是深刻

Introvert

Dear Cecelia Ahern, please bring me another story as touchy as P.S I Love You…

*** *** ***

 

First and foremost, I shall apologize for the inconsistent maintenance to my dearie bloggie. I was sulked in the past two weeks, rolled up in all gloomy doomy emotional downturn. And I wouldn’t know how to put this into a story.

 

*** *** ***

Early that night I was joyfully writing up about my HK trip, humming happy tunes while going through those Ocean Park photos.

Later that night I was told that I wasn’t, and isn’t the only one. Suddenly everything has fallen apart.

The world changed too fast, sometimes people might not able to cope with it’s pace.

 

It’s been two weeks, or more.

I can barely recall how I survived through the following days. It was so bleak, and so blank. I kind of remembering myself to work, to eat, to talk, to go home and then bathe myself and curled up in bed – that’s where all my normality ends.

Sometimes a phone call or an MSN alert pulled me back to reality. I remembered how to chat, how to smile. But I have forgotten how to feel.

I wasn’t, and isn’t the only one. These words aren’t a dagger. A dagger may poke through your flesh and then heart, you may greedily take a last breath and then gone. These words are probably a rod, or rope, you may survive through the whipping, but each and every whip may takes your flesh away, bit by bit, and you stay and struggle till the endless end.

.

.

.

.

..

I have never been through such pain, such hopeless struggle. I confessed that I do not intend to tell my story here and now. I just need a channel to release.

I just do not know how to put this into story.

 

God, if you can hear me, wake me up from the nightmare, bring me back to where I belonged. Grant me a miracle that I wished to be granted, or take away the evil within and set me free.

Thank you, with love.

我以为

我以为我们的邂逅就是真实的藤井树故事

我以为上天让两端的我们遇上是要我们花更多心思了解对方

我以为诉说着梦想的你是在描叙着我们的未来

我以为手牵着了就不会放开

。

。

。

很多很多的以为之后，就只有一个其实

 

Stumbled upon Patrick Antonelle’s art pieces. Beautiful.

Waiting for

 

“I spent the summer lounging around, sleeping a lot. Reading. I just kind of rolled up into myself.I spent sometime down in the Meadow, sort of hoping you might show up. I wrote you letters, I burned them”

---- Clare, The Time Traveller’s Wife.

 

一直到遇见了你才知道。

原来简单地一起，

也可以是很奢侈的愿望。

Beautiful Nightmare

Wide awake from dreams in the middle of night, bitterly.

 

It has been always there. Never leave, yet never stay.

It wakes me during the sweetest part when it tingles my heart so hard; it wakes me during the sweetest part and drags the fantasies away.

In despair, heartbrokenness, I am tired I fell asleep again and the beautiful scenes hit my head again. Quickly, I stretched my hand to hold, I'm so scared of losing, again.

Then the merry-go-round fades, I'm lying in darkness all alone, again.

Take a break

A short break after massive posts about Hong Kong trip.

 

White lappie, white mobile phone, white watch.

I'm in white mood after a gray day.

My white room is 80% done :)

 

Seeing the place I have never been.

 

 

When the phobia kicks in, she takes her hands off. The little voice whispers to her ears blowing the warmth straight into her brain her veins. She was hypnotized, hands hang in the middle of air, not moving forward nor backward.

Amidst the hypnotic blindness, she whirls and whirls and whirls and whirls...

Sweet Sensations

Finally, it's tomorrow.

After all the endless longing to overwhelming emo that merely kills to making up all sorts of nonsenses in mind to the finally 10th. I would have dance in cheer and yield for excitement and singing it's over it's over I made it, I thought.

Eighteen hours more to go. I am in my cold feet, terrified by the sense of deja vu. Too similar. Like the joke god just flick opened a page of my life archive and re-play it, and then being amused seeing me being same old lost encountering the same old scene.

My fault, never grow from lessons.

*** *** ***

Two weekends of alcohol overdosed.

Two weeks massive feed of happy food.

Can't help if you are not seeing someone real.

 

. Those happy foods .

Mango Sai Mai Lo

Tong Yuen in Ginger Soup, it keeps your heart warm, for a while.

Mango Cheong Fun. Surprisingly, it is good, when mango is sweet syrup is thick and the rice noodle sheet is thin.

...

Was staring at this photo for good few minutes and couldn't recall the name.

 

If these made you starve or crave, they are all from Hong Kong Dessert 甜品哥哥 @ Kepong.

 

 

My love-hate Japanese Chocolates.

Bourbon Choco Dutsumi - soft chocolate flavoured mochi wrapped dark chocolate. Can you resist it?

Cheapo version of Cupcakes. Where I found smiley faces, hearts and rainbows.

Invisible Tears

She feels like crying, so she dug out some old tears flowing video clips.

And then she found that she's shedding tears herself. And feeling relieved.

 

Why do you have to be like others?

 

 

Time flies too fast when you are too reluctant, and too slow when you are too eagerly waiting.

The muffled noise

Falling.

Muted, as nothing seems to be real.

Amidst the dreadful silence, she hides.

 

Say congrat to me, I've got the classic copy, not the one with the movie poster's cover.

Idealist

You know, the gloomy doomy will never be over.

Till the day you manage to take me, lead me on how to get rid of the expectations.

Till the day you manage to take me, wake me up from the Cinderella dreams I'd raised with.

Till the day I live no me, I will breath under your nose. So you can take me, just take me, and I will live no me.

 

You know, the gloomy doomy will never be over.

Till I let alone my ideals, and leave a room for ignorance and compromise.

Till I let go those dreams which fed my soul and raised my spirits.

Till I close my eyes, I will see space within. So you may shed my skin and let the sun shine in.

 

Then, We can start all over again.

 

Ignorance on surface, selfish in beneath

She yelled, it was soundless.

She extended her hands tried to reach him, yes he is there, still there. She felt his skin, his warmth, his tenderness, she saw him in colours.

So she shouted for his name. It was still no sound. Till she felt the sore in her throat getting numb and then got numb, eventually.

 

He smiled. She was utterly flattered. Butterflies in stomach, flipping fluttering.

She extended her hands to reach him, yes he is there, still there. She looked deep into these eyes which drew images of his mind, attempted to seek for those images that she missed the most. But not a trace of it was seen. Not a trace of it. She only saw images of him and himself.

And he smiled back, not saying a word.

 

She panicked. She whipped her mind out. She puts her minds into a box and placed it into his palm, solicitously. Thump thump thump thump. She looked deep into his eyes, hope against hope.

And he smiled back, not saying a word.

 

She torn her throat and yelled and cursed and she punched on him, in a mad whirl of hysteric. One minute it's love and suddenly it's like battlefield. A battlefield among her bare self and his armored self.

And he was still smiling back, not saying a word.

 

And she saw black and white swallowed up his vividness. He was fading, or blending into the background. Eventually unseen.

 

 

By speech it may be cruel, it may be even more frightening by ignorance in action.

When it doesn't seem right

1. Stop

2. Take a deep breath.

and then,

3. Start all over again.

 

It's gonna be alright, we just have to get over it, together.

 

 

If it doesn't work out, then let go.

Breaking Dawn

Sorry for the lack of updates, shame of it.

Can't get life composed, that's why. Things are like... Broken into tiny tiny pieces (all it's actually never been a big picture?), scattered here and there, picked a piece up, happily made up a patch of the scene, then noticed a few other pieces went missing.

 

Finally picked up the final of Twilight Saga, Stephanie Meyer- Breaking Dawn. It's good, Bella has grown to be more determined, more mature, way better than the very annoying childlike "Love him, love him not" dilemma in Eclipse. I'm reading an adult book now, finally.

 

Random pictures of life before tomorrow . . . . . .

 

♥ miao's Invasion To Pet Shop @ Sunway Pyramid

Found hamsters who sleep like this -.-

 

Also rabbit who turned around and pose for the camera. LOL.

 

♥ Favourite Food of The Month

Seafood Platter for two, Manhattan Fish Market.

 

♥ Bad Hair Day

The best solution ever - all up.

 

Blinged a little.

 

♥ Favourite Abandoned Dress

I loved it, but I'd forgotten that I bought it.

Source - Nice Fit Boutique, Kota Damansara, RM79 + 15% membership discount :)

 

♥ Velvet, Barsonic

Attendance taken.

 

One bonus attendance, for Bo aka Mr. Fluff.

Self Fix

The weather is so freaking crazy. I need an escape.

Have booked a weekend shopping trip to Bangkok middle of July. No nonsense, pure shopping shopping and shopping. Oh some drinking of course.

Probably the only thing I can look forward at this moment.

 

 

Not sure if it’s the weather or Sunday blue does exist. 

My alter self blaming me for the slumber. Where is your morale? What’s your fear? What’s next? Where are you where are you? I wish time could rewind back to not long ago, just few days back. When I can still wakeup in the morning, produce some voice pollution and then kiss you goodbye to work. At least it’s not as much of emptiness. At least.

Please, the kind hand please. Please flip the life book to another chapter, please. Please take the rusty shame away and replace it with a brand new, shiny set of confidence, please.

*** *** ***

Saturday, the girls went to Alexis, the Gardens.

Place is good, staffs are sucks.

 

The sweet crunchy toppings which I can’t name it. Reminds me about hamsters’ food. As cereal grain as it is.

 

Then I went shisha. Yes I swear, and I smoke and I have tattoo and I have more more more bad habits then what? So do you judge a person whether angel or demon with these shallow criteria?

Bed of Roses

If I’m a butterfly, I’d want to lay on a bed of roses, and show the wind how to fly. I’d want to live my life.

But life just ain’t a bed of roses. Tried to look around, nothing’s what it seems.

 

But life just ain’t a bed of roses, and I’d never been a butterfly.

 

By the way…

Happy Earth Day.

Express your love to our mother nature. Don’t take her for granted, because we do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children :)